I stand in the terminal of LAX....its been a mere 30 seconds and already the angry faces, honking horns, and profanity in all languages consume me. I feel the tension creep up from my stomach to my throat and slowly, inevitably take my soul. Just thinking back to 5 hours ago, as I bid adieu to the clear blue waters of hawaii...my vision blurs and by the time i realize what is happening, its too late. the one tear has made its way down my cheek. Fighting the urge, fighting the little girl in me, I force the remaining tears back. And as always...all the unhappiness, cynicism, and negativity in my life make there way back to my heart...how do you get away from it all... now before you start thinking that im being overdramatic and waaaay to emotional of my departure from hawaii...let me assure you that it is not all hawaii. sure the clear waters, perfectly toned tanned bodies and beautiful waves were hard to leave....but hawaii was my escape. a time for soul searching. a time to re-evaluate life. a part of me has been holding on to a memory for almost 9 years now...holding onto this fantasy...almost 9 years later, i got my kick in the gut. i was fooling myself....not everyone is a good person. i learned the hard way. ao here i am....fighting my downfall into another so-called depression. i hate that im so weak. and i hate this feeling more than anything...but i feel myself spiraling down, but have no fear, because somehow, i always make my way back up. | 